Shortly after Noah was born, I developed severe depression and anxiety, but if I’m being honest I was always one of those people who thought far too much about things and I’m fierce pessimistic.
There really is no polite way of saying it, but, anxiety is a bitch.
It consumes me at times, and I often wonder how much easier life would truly be if I could just relax!
How do I describe my anxiety?
Think about that one day in your life that made you extremely nervous like for e.g your leaving cert, your wedding, driving test etc etc and imagine that times 100.
Imagine that feeling of nervousness not going away, with it lasting for days on end, imagine your stomach in knots, not being able to sleep, irritated and angry for no reason towards the ones you love, wanting to be alone, having no energy and just constantly trying to give out to yourself for being so stupid!
The ironic thing about anxiety for me is that I know exactly how stupid I’m being and thinking the thoughts that are running through my head.
I know the things that I think of like for e.g the kids dying when they have a head cold, something happening Denis when he is at work or how I feel I’m failing at being a mother and a wife, are to put bluntly and no pun intended crazy.
I know that worrying about a conversation I had with someone a year ago or focusing too much on what others are doing in their lives is unnecessary, but yet I can’t stop!
I have my anxiety mostly under control now with the help of medication and talking (which I’ve never had a problem doing) when I feel like things are getting on top of me again.
I don’t think anxiety is something I will ever fully get rid of, and sometimes that scares me.
Living with a mental illness isn’t easy (ask those closest to me), but that’s the thing, I’m living with it.
It doesn’t consume me anymore and I refuse to let it win.
If you are reading this and are in the depths of anxiety, please know that there are better days ahead for you.
Please know that it will pass and you will regain control.
It won’t always be easy, and there will be a lot of ups and downs, but one day (and trust me, I’m not lying) there will be more ups then downs.
The most important thing to remember is that you truly can’t take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself.
Here is a link to the mental health Ireland website for support.
All our love
Our Wheely Big Journey